I wasn’t going to write today’s entry because i feel like crap with a head cold. This morning I phoned into work sick, took care of the children and dropped them off to care, popped into the chemist to pick up some supplies. While at the chemist the jelly beans at the counter whispered “buy us”, so i did. On the way to the car the pastries at the bakery called to me “buy us”, so i did. Driving home the chocolates at the servo were shouting “buy us”, so i did. I went home and ate them all at once. I felt guilty about my lack of control, i hated writing it up in my food diary for the doctor. I went to bed and slept all day. When i woke up i still felt guilty and sick. Insert sad face.

Lesson: I don’t know. But I wish i had been stronger and didn’t cave to my cravings today. I wish I had nourished my body when it needed it most.

Xx

S

Today i wanted to touch on two topics.

In an office where junk food is plenty. Cakes and chocolate every other day it is hard to not to self indulge. Even when i don’t want to i feel obliged to try people’s home made treats. This is a note to self- you do not need to eat all the food in the office all the time. Don’t allow politeness and joining in be at the expense of your physical health.

Which brings me to the next topic. I had a realisation that i eat more when i have feelings of bloating, cramps, discomfort. Counter intuitive i know. Since being more aware of what i am eating and how it links to how i feel i think sub consciously i am trying to fix the discomfort and pain with food. This is something i will be more mindful of from now on. I will research and experiment with options to help with the urge to scoff food when i am feeling symptoms ie lemon water or herbal tea.

Tonight i painted and drank wine. It was good.

Xx

S

I keep reminding myself this is not just about being thin or looking hot. It is about health, lifestyle change and a better respect for my body

I went to the doctor today for a general check up and to discuss some problems i have been experiencing with my digestion and bowel. Blood test done and dr has suggested a food diary this week where i also record how I feel, how my stomach is behaving and bowel movements. So i will be doing this at least until next Tuesday.

I have decided not to include my measurements and weight in this blog but i will say that my current BMI (i used an online calculator) classifies me as overweight and i believe that this is an accurate reflection of where i am at.

I am feeling hopeful.

Take care

Xx

S

Today my self loathing is at an all time high. I can’t remember a time when i was so critical about the way i look and feel. 

I have no energy and feel like i am just going through the motions, everything is in greyscale i am missing out on the colour of life. 

My inner dialogue around my body and the way I look is negative and consuming. It is affecting my self esteem, self worth, intimate relationships, it takes time away from my children. Enough is enough.

This blog is about a change! It is a journal. It is a way to stay accountable. I hope to discover new joys and rediscover my self love and acceptance. Find my free spirit and love a happy and healthy life. 

I am a mum of young kids. I work part time in a sedentary professional role, I have been married for 7 years to a supportive husband. I have very little time for myself and money is tight.

Although minimal time and money is a factor in how i exercise, prepare meals and look after my mental health i will no longer allow them to be excuses.  

Wish me luck.

Xx 

S 

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton